The Den

             Instagram is overflowing with captions such as “New year, new me” and “Happy New Year!” This all symbolizes the start of a New Year along with the countless New Year resolutions. Resolutions range from losing weight, eating healthier, start exercising, and less television. Many resolutions end up failing during the first month of attempt, leaving defeated, uncommitted people wishing for a new year to re-start over. To save myself from falling into the same trance every year, I am going to change my ways for the ever hopeful 2015. I am going to influence myself with determination.

            Last year (2014), I made a resolution for myself; absolutely no sweets treats. This included any desserts, high sugar items, and candies. Usually this resolution was what I normally did for Lent, even though I’m not even catholic, I liked the personal challenge and meaning of Lent. I decided that I had done so well, too well, that I would try to see if I could make it the whole year without having a nibble of cheesecake. So before my torturous journey, I sat at my New Year’s party stuffing my face with Oreo’s and Reese’s until the tormenting countdown began.

           Eleven birthdays, two baby showers, and one wedding later, I am continuing to deny any dessert food item entry to my mouth. Cake has been offered, my stomach has been begging, but my mind has been stern. Thanks to my friends, they would pressure me into having two scoops of ice cream or take one cookie as an award for all my hard effort. To swallow my guilt and hide my shame, I would stop at that one cookie to prove that I still had control. I did not want to give up, just like I did for guitar, volleyball, show choir, and every other activity or relationship I have been in. Half of me did this to lose weight, the other half did this to prove to others and myself that I can commit.

Let’s be honest, that was never going to happen. I believe I could’ve made it until the end if I were not influenced by my friends, family, and holidays. Most people quit visiting the gym on week one, so I am pretty proud to have made it that far. My weight loss journey is not over, but has just got more challenging. Seriously, twelve months without chocolate? I don’t think so. It took me eight long months to cave in to the glorious taste of desserts again. Of course, not counting the times I had minor slip-ups. Unfortunately, July 29th was more than just a quick bite. 

          July 29th wasn’t like any other day. That day was the significant day of Avery Leigh Hile’s birth and born she was. My older sister, Chas, and my mom had worked really hard to make this the perfect sweet sixteen and accommodate my special health resolution. When the party was in full action, my mom brought out two cakes, not one. I was given the smaller one with sixteen fiery candles lit. I grew up in a house where you don’t leave the dinner table until your plate is licked clean. Wasting has just not been an option. So, I gave in. I devoured about four slices on the smaller cake, oops. This is when I officially ungrounded my stomach.

          Instead of hating myself for surrendering the pressure to be perfect, I decided to optimize the situation. I only had a few months until the New Year (2015) to start over and get further than eight months of eating a delicious piece of key lime pie. Influences became a big weight on my shoulders during my “waiting” period. I started limiting myself to one dessert a week trying to prepare myself for the year to come. Jumping in obviously didn’t get me anywhere.

          So, instead of continuing my cold turkey dessert starvation resolution, this year I am deciding to slowly cut myself off from all unhealthy foods. This includes chewing slowly, small proportions, and stop myself from wanting to grab the Cheez-it’s just because I am bored. To others, it may just look like an anthill, but to me it’s a mountain; easier said than done. More importantly, I vow to commit to the slow cutoff of unhealthy eating for an even bigger, deeper resolution for 2015. Society is teaching males and females to be more forgiving and accepting of their bodies. Everyone says they want a year of change and new beginnings; here’s mine.